I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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