SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
