I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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