Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
