You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
