I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
