ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
