I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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