I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
