thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
