Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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