dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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