And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
