i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
