HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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