i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
