I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
