I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
