she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
