I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
