sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
