Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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