Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
