New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
