wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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