I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
