so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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