I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
