my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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