I want to have your abortion
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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