It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
