he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
