I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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