in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
