Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
