I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
