You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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