Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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