Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
