Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
