I think my vagina is haunted
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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