He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
