Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
