i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
