You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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