how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
