He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
