bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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