I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
