oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
