and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
