My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
