I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
